While Waiting...
The concept of waiting is that which is applicable to all creatures, at one point or the other in our lifetime.
We wait for different things such as answers to prayers, examination results, someone, some news, resolutions etc.
Some waiting is definite because there is a known timeline, while some leave us in limbo because we are not sure of when the waiting period would be over. As a result of this, we express different dispositions during our period of waiting.
These dispositions can be in the form of anxiety about what would be, fear of the unknown, joyful anticipation, dread and so much more. Let me mention this before continuing that our disposition while waiting most times will be a determinant of the outcome of our waiting. Our disposition, especially if negative, can eat us up so much that we might become blinded to reality and end up taking a wrong step or decision.
This article, “While waiting” is going to come in a series and in this particular series, let us rub minds on while waiting for a life partner.
A lot of people erroneously believe that this issue of waiting for a life partner and entertaining the notion or the fear that time is running out on them is only applicable to female folks. This of course is a sham!
As much as the outlook of this on the female folk might be different from the male, both folks experience this. This outlook exists for the two at different levels/degrees and for whatever reason.
Some weeks back while having a conversation with some people, a colleague shared the experience of a brother-in-law who is just approaching his late 20s and who is already feeling so desperate for marriage. He feels the time is running out on him and so tries all his possible best to ensure he gets serious with most of the ladies that come his way, even when there is a need for him to flee from such. She expressed how concerned everyone in the family has been, appealing to him to calm down and take it easy. I had to ask to know if this guy in question was of good looks, good job and all. Alas, answers to all the questions posed came out in the affirmative. So, I was able to rule out that his anxiety is not because of his bad looks because I learnt he’s good-looking, the anxiety did not stem from a lack of financial stability, he’s got a great and well-paying job. I guess at this point, some of us would be like, so what’s his stress? The truth is we really can never be sure, even he might not be so certain of how and why he got himself into this frantic phase.
Apparently, this matter affects both parties for whatever reason, which might include but not limited to family pressure, peer pressure, societal pressure and self-inflicted pressure which might have stemmed from living our lives based on other people’s standards. Social media is not helping matters too, as a lot of people keep feeding themselves with illusions and fantasies that are far from reality.
So, what do we say about this situation of desperation to settle down in marriage?
For the married ones, what do you have to say about this?
What do we have to tell ourselves who are in this waiting room?
How do we encourage others who feel life is not fair to them because it’s their belief that they are staying too long in the waiting room for a spouse?
Have you got a personal story to share that you think can lift someone else’s spirit? You can choose to remain anonymous.
What do you have to say to encourage a lady or a guy out there to not give up on living life, but to focus on living and fulfilling purpose while waiting.
Please, let’s rub minds on this topic and help each other to take that step, the bold and giant step to living a fulfilled life while waiting.
Cheers!
9 thoughts on “While Waiting…”
We need to first acknowledge, the fact that not everything depends on us.
For example, we did not decide when to be born, our sex, our families… and when we are leaving this space called earth.
Hence the need to live, accepting to do the things that depend on us and accepting life and other things as they unfold. For example, we can love others, but we can’t decide how they are to respond etc. We can influence it. But we all know how the same actions we posit to different persons do produce sometimes completely different effects.
When we accept life as it is, it is easier to wait as we do the things that depend on us
So, suffice it to say that faith, hope and courage play crucial roles for anyone waiting for something in life.
It will be good for such people and everyone to adopt “The serenity Prayer ” 👌
Yes, prayer is key while waiting; it’s the proof of our dependence on and trust in the one we pray to provided we do not pray amiss
Indeed, not everything depends on us true true
I prefer to raise questions as a way of contributing to this topic:
1. What are your perspectives on Marriage while growing up and now?
2. What do you want in the midst of external factors or pressure while you wait?
3. How do you see the other gender?
4. Do you have negative experiences about martial life while growing up?
5. At what point can you say getting married is late?
Having read this article, I would like to approach my piece from a complementary angle. Waiting is an expectation or anticipation of something/someone, which both apply in this context. SOMETHING – waiting for marriage and SOMEONE – waiting for a life companion. However, we must also bear in mind that waiting requires ‘PREPARATION.’ For me, they are like two sides of a coin; you cannot do one and leave the other. The former leads to the latter, while the latter presupposes the former.
There is a lot of waiting in life that is not complemented with preparation. The preparation makes the actualisation or the arrival of whatever/whoever we are in expectation of to be perfect, fruitful, and worth our time, struggle, sacrifice, and commitment. Lack of preparation could be why we wait for ‘too long.’ In this context, for instance, someone who lacks a character that could determine having a good marital life and with no intention or concerted efforts for a change might wait endlessly to find a future companion. This lack may be why people do not want to choose them as future spouses. It simply means they are waiting for marriage but are not prepared for it.
It is important that ‘the waiting’ is complemented with ‘adequate preparation,’ so as not to wish to turn back the hands of time when the waiting is finally over.
Hmm, profound
My penny answers to the big questions are as follows:
So, what do we say about this situation of desperation to settle down in marriage?
A:
Marriage is not compulsory.
Marriage is a calling for those
who are called.
There are those who didn’t marry
but who led godly and fulfilled lives. There is nothing
to be desperate about.
For the married ones, what do you have to say about this?
A: Not applicable
What do we have to tell ourselves who are in this waiting room?
A: Seek ye first God’s kingdom
and His righteousness
and every other thing
[marriage inclusive, if called to marry] would be added to you.
How do we encourage others who feel life is not fair to them because it’s their belief that they are staying too long in the waiting room for a spouse?
A: Such people should find
meaning in and/or make
meaning out of their singleness.
They can start by:
a) counting the benefits, blessings, and freedom that their singleness
has brought their way
b) naming those benefits, blessings, and freedom one by one
c) and seeing what God has done
and is still doing for them
through their single state.
d) and as Mr Leo advised, they should also see their singleness as an opportunity to PREPARE
for married life if convinced that marriage is their calling.
Some practical things to do for PREPARATION are:
1) Imagine one’s self as the opposite sex and asking if one is marryable the way one is as a single person
2) Begin to prayerfully and diligently remove the obstacles to being marryable which the answer to question 1 supplies
3) Read good books on marriage like Finding the Bone of Your Bone by Brother GBILE AKANNI
Have you got a personal story to share that you think can lift someone else’s spirit? You can choose to remain anonymous.
A: I am currently in the waiting room too.
What has kept me going
is my total faith in God,
trust in His Word as revealed
in the Bible which I read, meditate on, and study daily, and my
total dependence on prayer
through which I express
my faith in, pour out my frustrations to, and draw strength to persevere
in GOD
What do you have to say to encourage a lady or a guy out there to not give up on living life, but to focus on living and fulfilling purpose while waiting.
A: I am currently in the waiting room too.
What has kept me going is my total faith in God, trust in His Word as revealed in the Bible which I read, meditate on, and study daily
[I started by reading a chapter
of the Bible per day],
and total dependence on prayer through which I express my faith in, pour out my frustrations to,
and draw strength to persevere
in GOD.
More so, Don’t put yourself under pressure even when others do.
Do not fret.
Surrender to God in prayer, and with thanksgiving make your intentions and frustrations known to HIM;
you would be amazed
at the mountains HE would move
on your behalf.
Hmm, deep.
Waiting leads to preparation, and preparation presupposes waiting 👌
Thank you for this complementary piece.