Don’t we all feel like 2023 went too quick like the speed of a lightening? That’s how I feel though, like January 2023 was just yesterday. We are here now, anyways, all thanks to God who kept us .

I am sure as it is common practice, some of us have probably jotted down and highlighted our new year resolutions, while some of us have made new plans or reviewed old plans.

I am also sure some people might have had some quality retrospection and introspection

All good! 

For the majority of us, a new year always starts with high hopes, dreams and plans. Some of us are blessed to be starting the year on a clean slate and with high spirits. Some are starting the year in a new phase such as being newly married, with new employment or changed and better jobs, new businesses that have been long planned and now being executed. Some with the gift of new addition to their families with gifts of newborn and/or adopted babies. These are precious and beautiful. 

Let all these string up hope and ignite the spark to hold on and not give up, for those who did not end the year 2023 on the high note as desired, and longed for. 

Yes! some not too good things happened to some of us. Some experienced broken friendships and relationships, lost jobs, the demise of a loved one, business fold up, betrayal, broken trust, goals not met, dreams not actualised, etc.

Should we now give up if things did not go the way we planned in 2023? 

Should we be complacent because things went just the way we planned. Or should we forget ourselves in the euphoria of the great things that came our way beyond our expectations? 

This is for everyone, do not dwell in the past, be it good or bad. Pick up your lessons and move on. 

For those who are where they desire and even more than they desire or expected, I share in your joy. I join you to give you a pat on the back. I celebrate you and I encourage you to celebrate yourself, you deserve it. Give yourself some treats when you can, and never forget to celebrate those who contributed to your success. Keep applying what worked for you, but never fail to be flexible enough to give room for growth. As much as you are comfortable in your now, do not be complacent and rigid. Be ready to adopt new ideas, be flexible enough to change, be smart enough to unlearn and relearn. You know why? The future is loaded with innovations. The world is not going to stand still,  so be ready to adapt and to adopt. What worked for you yesterday, might not work for you today and tomorrow . 

Be thankful for all you achieved, seek to keep improving, be open to collaborations , connect with like and great minds and do not be selfish. Help others when you can. Remember, it can be lonely at the top.

For those who did not have it as planned, you are not a failure, you are not cursed or jinxed and you are not unfortunate. Never believe that .

You think you are the only one on this seat ?  Noooo! Some of us did not have everything on our list ticked as done or settled or achieved. Is that now the end of the road or journey? Not at all. You are still alive and blessed with the gift of good friends and family, among other things. However, if your friends and even in some cases families are a thorn in your flesh for not having everything figured out, then you have some reevaluations to do this year. You have some permutations to do. We will get to that at a later date.

So if it is not the end of the road or journey , what then should be done ?

First, do not dwell on what did not, because if you do, you might not be able to focus on what should and how it should go.

So, start by evaluating your goals for 2023 and the approach you attempted or used. Deep evaluation will help you to know what did not work and may be why it did not work. Then, restrategise, change approach if necessary because you cannot be using the same approach that failed you. Also note that some failed approaches might not be because they are not good, but because you did not apply them fittingly. Restrategising will help you to apply your approach appropriately. Seek assistance in the appropriate quarters and don’t move or walk in isolation. Don’t be shy or arrogant to ask for help. A lot of people are out there ready to help if only you would ask .

While evaluating, pay special attention to the following:

Strategies, approaches, distractions, also understand that some goals are long term and not short term. Do not expect to achieve a long term goal in the short term. All you need to do is to take steps towards achieving them in the long run, so your progression towards the goal is what you measure. Not yet there is not a failure, being far from it is what should not be.

For those who suffered broken friendships or relationships, two things might have been (though not exclusive). Either that person(s) are better off without you or you are better off without that person(s). If the latter is the case, be thankful for the disaster that was averted. Though it might be difficult, you just have to pick yourself up, package and present yourself well for a better and best deal. You deserve better than settling for less. Do not be desperate, some people should not be in your life or circle. Their presence will limit you or hinder you from maximising your potential, they will always see you as a threat and therefore hamper you. Is that what you really want? God wants better for you, so do not settle for less.

If the former is the case, then you have got to prepare yourself for a reform. You sure don’t want to go through life receiving without giving back. 

You want a table well made without bringing anything to the table? Then why should anyone want to befriend you? Make a conscious effort this year 2024 to be better than you used to be. Be intentional about it. Go on a retreat, seek constructive appraisal from loved ones who would want to see you become a better version of you and effect the appraisal. Work on yourself, add value to yourself, be that person that brings value to the table, be that person that adds value to others, be that person that is fun and a blessing to be around . 

There is this saying I would love to share with you “one who brings happiness to others finds it”. Do not always be about what you get, but also about what you give. If self development and value addition is the only thing you achieve this year 2024, I bet you it is worth it because it comes with a lifetime “dividends”. 

In all, the important thing for us all is that we made it to a new year . Another chance to make a difference. Can we all challenge ourselves to make a difference in our own little world?

Let us walk through the year with positive attitudes!

Let us be more intentional with everything we do (and let them be good things)!

Let us be more intentional with not giving in to fears or doubts!

Let us remember there will be ups and downs, highs and lows, but we should all be intentional to pull through and not throw in the trowel!.

Let us be more open to new ideas, growth and development!

Read more, be more informed and be enlightened!

I conclude with these words from Alvin Toffler “The illiterate of the twenty-first century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn”

Congratulations and happy new year 2024

Shalom!

Mary A. Adepoju!

The post AND THE YEAR IS UPON US! appeared first on Lets Rub Minds.

The moment the flyer went out, the comment I started to get from people was, naaah, one session would not be enough to handle the topic. My response was “I know just let us start first” LOL.

So, the day came, and we start…. thirty minutes into the conversation, we are still looking for a consensus on the definition of values, morals, and principles. Somehow, dictionary meaning seem not enough, intellectuals are discussing. A definition was eventually established, so we continue. The host asked for what determines the rightness or wrongness of values… hmm another debate, and for the first time since the inauguration of the LRM telegram discussion, we spend two solid hours, to be precise 1 hour, and 50 minutes if we remove the minutes spent on pleasantries.

It was an insightful evening of discussion, and it was worth it.

We ended the February session on “Upholding Values in the present day” but not concluded, adjourned, to be continued in March.

So, I bring the topic here for the contribution of a larger audience.

What are Values?

Extracted from the chapter three of my book “Single and Waiting”, according to the Cambridge dictionary, they are the principles that help you decide what is right and wrong, and how to act in various situations. It also defines principles as moral rules or standards of good behaviour or fair dealing.

Collins dictionary defines values as the moral principles, beliefs or accepted standards of a person or social group. It defines principles as a set of standards or rules of personal conduct.

I define Values as those things that inform our principle.  Our principles are formed by our values.

What informs our values in life?

The saying “we are products of our environment” comes to play in answering this question. Our values are formed by the things we see while growing up either at home or in the society. We grow up becoming what our individual homes, environment, and society consciously or unconsciously, directly or indirectly impacts on us.

So, it goes further to give the question, can values be right or wrong? I would say the answer to this is relative. What is right to an individual, or a particular society might be wrong to another person and in another society, and this was what most participants that evening echoed.

Now Fr Benjamin Ulebor suggested during the discussion that unless the word moral is added to preface the word value, it might be difficult to determine if it’s right or wrong. That means we’ll be saying something is morally right or wrong. However, some people did not agree that value should be prefaced that way. What is your opinion?

So, please what’s your take on this topic? Can Values be right or wrong? How and why? Kindly shed more light on values, morals, and principles, and please define each as a separate entity before bringing any of them together.

Now, the truth is, if we don’t clearly define value, it will be difficult to declare them right or wrong. Then it makes it sensitive and dangerous to encourage anyone to uphold values less they end up upholding wrong values.

Values are eroding, we say. Good values? Right or wrong values?

So, when you say values can never be right or wrong… clarify

When you agree that values should be upheld… please specify

When you say values should evolve, hmmm, another deep water to dive into, help clarify so we don’t subject values (right or wrong) evolution to erosion.

I suffice to say that evolving values can become eroded values.

Please let the discussion continue…

PS: please feel free to join the conversation next month, March 19th using the link below, as we continue to expound this topic. You can catch up on the recorded February conversation on the telegram page. Look out for it in the corner for pinned items above the page.

LRM is an open forum without a religious, age or race bias, you are welcome to join our monthly discussion! 

Join here: Telegram Channel link 

Mary A. Adepoju

The post THE VALUE AFFAIR… appeared first on Lets Rub Minds.

Upholding Values

 

The February 2023 Session on LRM monthly telegram discussion was on “Upholding Values in this present day”. An interesting topic you would say.

The moment the flyer went out, the comment I started to get from people was, naaah, one session would not be enough to handle the topic. My response was “I know just let us start first” LOL.

So, the day came, and we start…. thirty minutes into the conversation, we are still looking for a consensus on the definition of values, morals, and principles. Somehow, dictionary meaning seem not enough, intellectuals are discussing. A definition was eventually established, so we continue. The host asked for what determines the rightness or wrongness of values… hmm another debate, and for the first time since the inauguration of the LRM telegram discussion, we spend two solid hours, to be precise 1 hour, and 50 minutes if we remove the minutes spent on pleasantries.

It was an insightful evening of discussion, and it was worth it.

We ended the February session on “Upholding Values in the present day” but not concluded, adjourned, to be continued in March.

So, I bring the topic here for the contribution of a larger audience.

What are Values?

Extracted from the chapter three of my book “Single and Waiting”, according to the Cambridge dictionary, they are the principles that help you decide what is right and wrong, and how to act in various situations. It also defines principles as moral rules or standards of good behaviour or fair dealing.

Collins dictionary defines values as the moral principles, beliefs or accepted standards of a person or social group. It defines principles as a set of standards or rules of personal conduct.

I define Values as those things that inform our principle.  Our principles are formed by our values.

What informs our values in life?

The saying “we are products of our environment” comes to play in answering this question. Our values are formed by the things we see while growing up either at home or in the society. We grow up becoming what our individual homes, environment, and society consciously or unconsciously, directly or indirectly impacts on us.

So, it goes further to give the question, can values be right or wrong? I would say the answer to this is relative. What is right to an individual, or a particular society might be wrong to another person and in another society, and this was what most participants that evening echoed.

Now Fr Benjamin Ulebor suggested during the discussion that unless the word moral is added to preface the word value, it might be difficult to determine if it’s right or wrong. That means we’ll be saying something is morally right or wrong. However, some people did not agree that value should be prefaced that way. What is your opinion?

So, please what’s your take on this topic? Can Values be right or wrong? How and why? Kindly shed more light on values, morals, and principles, and please define each as a separate entity before bringing any of them together.

Now, the truth is, if we don’t clearly define value, it will be difficult to declare them right or wrong. Then it makes it sensitive and dangerous to encourage anyone to uphold values less they end up upholding wrong values.

Values are eroding, we say. Good values? Right or wrong values?

So, when you say values can never be right or wrong… clarify

When you agree that values should be upheld… please specify

When you say values should evolve, hmmm, another deep water to dive into, help clarify so we don’t subject values (right or wrong) evolution to erosion.

I suffice to say that evolving values can become eroded values.

Please let the discussion continue…

PS: please feel free to join the conversation next month, March 19th using the link below, as we continue to expound this topic. You can catch up on the recorded February conversation on the telegram page. Look out for it in the corner for pinned items above the page.

LRM is an open forum without a religious, age or race bias, you are welcome to join our monthly discussion!

https://t.me/+vbDFpmPyqAFhMGI0

 

Mary A. Adepoju

The post <strong>THE VALUE AFFAIR….</strong> appeared first on Lets Rub Minds.

We wait for different things such as answers to prayers, examination results, someone, some news, resolutions etc.

Some waiting is definite because there is a known timeline, while some leave us in limbo because we are not sure of when the waiting period would be over. As a result of this, we express different dispositions during our period of waiting.

These dispositions can be in the form of anxiety about what would be, fear of the unknown, joyful anticipation, dread and so much more. Let me mention this before continuing that our disposition while waiting most times will be a determinant of the outcome of our waiting. Our disposition, especially if negative, can eat us up so much that we might become blinded to reality and end up taking a wrong step or decision.

This article, “While waiting” is going to come in a series and in this particular series, let us rub minds on while waiting for a life partner.

A lot of people erroneously believe that this issue of waiting for a life partner and entertaining the notion or the fear that time is running out on them is only applicable to female folks.  This of course is a sham!

As much as the outlook of this on the female folk might be different from the male, both folks experience this. This outlook exists for the two at different levels/degrees and for whatever reason.

Some weeks back while having a conversation with some people, a colleague shared the experience of a brother-in-law who is just approaching his late 20s and who is already feeling so desperate for marriage. He feels the time is running out on him and so tries all his possible best to ensure he gets serious with most of the ladies that come his way, even when there is a need for him to flee from such. She expressed how concerned everyone in the family has been, appealing to him to calm down and take it easy. I had to ask to know if this guy in question was of good looks, good job and all. Alas, answers to all the questions posed came out in the affirmative. So, I was able to rule out that his anxiety is not because of his bad looks because I learnt he’s good-looking, the anxiety did not stem from a lack of financial stability, he’s got a great and well-paying job. I guess at this point, some of us would be like, so what’s his stress? The truth is we really can never be sure, even he might not be so certain of how and why he got himself into this frantic phase.

Apparently, this matter affects both parties for whatever reason, which might include but not limited to family pressure, peer pressure, societal pressure and self-inflicted pressure which might have stemmed from living our lives based on other people’s standards. Social media is not helping matters too, as a lot of people keep feeding themselves with illusions and fantasies that are far from reality.

So, what do we say about this situation of desperation to settle down in marriage?

For the married ones, what do you have to say about this?

What do we have to tell ourselves who are in this waiting room?

How do we encourage others who feel life is not fair to them because it’s their belief that they are staying too long in the waiting room for a spouse?

Have you got a personal story to share that you think can lift someone else’s spirit? You can choose to remain anonymous.

 What do you have to say to encourage a lady or a guy out there to not give up on living life, but to focus on living and fulfilling purpose while waiting.

Please, let’s rub minds on this topic and help each other to take that step, the bold and giant step to living a fulfilled life while waiting.

Cheers!

The post While Waiting…(1) appeared first on Lets Rub Minds.